Oh, I am so tired of reading all the stories laced with 'oh, I wish I had never..." blah, blah, blah. I'm here to let you in on the other side of things, the side of the HAPPY MISTRESS!
I am an intelligent, educated, married woman. I have a strong faith, great kids, and am generally very happy with my life. My husband and I have been together for years. During our time together, he's cheated on me more times than I can count. I always assumed the problem was me, though. Or those "evil" woman who wouldn't leave him alone. I never figured that the issue might actually be his own. Well, one day I woke up. On that day, I realized many things. I am a beautiful woman. I have a lovely--if not slightly used--figure. I am intelligent, independent, and confident in my own abilities. I can get down in the kitchen as well as I can get down in the bedroom, and trust me--there are never any complaints, 'cuz this gurl can THROW DOWN! So what was his issue? I stopped asking him what was wrong with me, and started concentrating on following my dreams. I became focused on my life and my children, and of course my husband was part of it, but he no longer ruled my life. No man does, at this point.
Well, one day four years ago, I walked into a neighborhood grocery store and saw the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my life. Our eyes met, and I turned away...You know, I couldn't be caught looking at another man! But my eyes found their way back to him over and over again. He was muscular, tall, and beautifully brown... everything I loved in a man. He smiled at me, with his perfectly even teeth, and I was done for. I knew that he would be mine one day.
Well, one day happened a year or so later. We spent a year talking to each other on the phone, stealing kisses in odd places. He was single when I met him, but over a year had passed and now he was 'with' someone. That didn't matter to me. He knew I was married, and that didn't bother him, either. He had his first baby a year after that. He called me to tell me how beautiful she was. And no, there was no envy. No little hateful twist of jealousy. Nothing. Because truthfully, that is one side of his life, and I am the other. When he wants to see me, sometimes he can and sometimes he can't. I won't blow off my obligations to meet up with him. Neither would he. We understand this about each other. We are exactly that--WE. Our time together is precious, because we have so little of it. He asks nothing of my life and I ask nothing of his. At times, we wish we had more 'free time' to spend together, but we are honest with each other and realize that more free time might make us not want to be together. His wife, I am sure, is a lovely woman. I don't ask about her; I've never even seen her. I've been to his house, but thought it disrespectful and left. He has never been to mine, because I am a little older than he is and somewhat more old school about that. When we meet, we go to a little hotel we love and spend some time doing the obvious there. When we go out, we agree on someplace where no one is going to know us, where we can hold hands and look cute together. That is OUR time. We enjoy it very much. His daughter is a beautiful baby, but I have never met her and don't want to right now. Why clutter up the child's life with confusing images, so I can feel like playing Mommy? Please, I have my own kids. I love this man. I have loved him for the entire four years we have been together. He loves me. We are both liars and we know it; we know the worst about each other--that we are unfaithful. Believe it or not, that is the tie that binds us. No one knows us like we know us. Do I want to marry him someday? Hell, no...Why would I want to do that? I don't even know if our relationship could survive one or both of us suddenly being free to see the other as they pleased. What I do know is that I am going to continue loving him for the sweet wonderful guy that he is. I don't want it more complicated than that. He loves me for who I am. Do I think I am better than his wife? The thought doesn't cross my mind. She is who she is, and I am me. I don't compare my husband to him, either. My husband has some very good points to him. He is a great guy, but he doesn't fill the void that my lover does. I don't know if he could ever.
I often ponder whether or not I could deal with being single and having him still being married. The answer is always, 'of course.' I don't wait for him to make me complete. I don't envy his wife. I love my freedom, and wish I had more of it. Were he still married, and I single, then I could come and go as I pleased without the pressures of a relationship. I could have him when he was available, and go on living my life the way I see fit. No cooking dinner or washing socks.
I don't ever want his wife to find out about us, this is true. Causing a woman I don't even know the hurt that I have experienced first hand is a little too much for me to bear. I don't call his cell phone past certain times; I have his address but would never in my life show up at his house. I have absolutely no intention of ever telling his wife that I exist. Why cause her unnecessary pain? He is a good man. His biggest flaw is ME. Truthfully, he was with me when he met her. I'm his addiction. I know this, so why make her realize that her husband is unfaithful? Would knowing that he was with me first somehow make it easier for her? I doubt it. I respect his relationship with her and ask that he respect mine, which he does. So, you see, I am with someone who loves and respects me, who celebrates my individuality and understands my weaknesses. I would not give him up unless he wanted to go. And right now, he ain't going nowhere.
